Honest is still best policy
As a parent of two precious daughters, ages 2 and 5, I feel that
honesty is still the best policy. If we are honest to God, ourselves,
our spouses, and to our children, a strong personal relationship
built on trust will be established. If parents would only be open and
honest about the perplexities of life, especially when mistakes are
made, then children will have a realistic understanding of our sinful
nature which is sanctified through our (and their) daily walk with
Christ. Let's not be afraid to show our weaknesses to our
children. Instead, let us show them the victory over sin that Christ
has gained for us.
Michael Parmelee
mpp1964@mail.border.net
Entered
mpp1964@mail.border.net
March 31, 1999
Specific suggestions for boredom
While I was sitting at the computer yesterday, I heard my eight-year-old ask her
mother, "What can I do?" Mother said, "Why don't you go outside and bounce on
the trampoline?" The youngster was delighted with the suggestion and went and
did it. When I thought about what she said, I
realised it is better to have a specific suggestion for what to do, rather
than just say, "Go outside and play." Maybe it would be a good idea to write
a list of specific things your kids can do. Then, when they say, "I'm bored,"
you can remember things off the list to channel their activities in a direction
you want them to go. Or maybe you can even get your kids to make out their
own anti-boredom activies list. When they say, "I'm bored," reply, "Well,
let's look at your list."
Entered by Phil Ward -- Oct 22, 1998
Make sure instructions are followed
As a business manager, I developed a policy of trusting people to whom I
delegated responsibility. I decided not to check up that they had done what
they were told -- so they would know I totally trusted them to do it.
It may be a great idea for business, but I don't think it
works in the home. If kids forget to do something they were told
to do, and you don't tell them again, they soon learn they don't have to do
what you say. I suspect the solution to this problem is to set yourself the
task that for the next month you will always check to see that your
instructions are carried out. (If you have a bad memory, jot down a note
to remind you -- without the kids knowing.) A month of being reminded to do
what they have been told to do will probably get your kids back in the habit
of doing all that they are told.
Entered by Phil Ward -- Oct 22, 1998
Let kids work with you
Often children don't like the idea of working. But they may have a different
attitude to it if they are working with you, their parent. Young kids
especially love to be with their parents -- particularly if they are
people-oriented
children. They will gladly work alongside you when they wouldn't like
working by themselves. It is a very powerful offer to invite them work with you.
("Let's make a cake together." Or "Come on, let's quickly tidy your room
together.") By working with you, they may develop a better work ethic than by
working alone.
Entered by Phil Ward -- Oct 22, 1998
Scolding doesn't do any good
Scolding children doesn't do any good, says the book "Child Guidance" (page
33). It says, "How will you sucessfully educate your children? Not by scolding,
for it will do no good. Talk to your children as if you had confidence in
their intelligence. Deal with them kindly, tenderly, lovingly. Tell them what
God would have them to do."
Entered by Phil Ward -- Oct 22, 1998
Sitting on the end of the bed
I once stayed at an Adventist minister's home for several weeks and couldn't
work out why his wife disappeared for about an hour each night. I eventually
found she was sitting on the end of her children's beds. When the youngest
went to bed, she sat on his bed for half an hour talking about whatever they
wanted. And then she sat half an hour on the bed of the oldest doing the same. Her
children were fabulous kids. And when I saw them as young adults years later, I was
very impressed at what fine people they had become. The end of a bed at night
is a great time and place to build
a relationship with your kids. At bed time, kid's don't want to go to sleep.
So they will keep talking to avoid having to sleep. So it's easier to forge
better communications with your children at the end of their bed at bed time.
Entered by Phil Ward -- Oct 22, 1998
Example is best teacher
Five years after I was divorced, my ten-year-old daughter came to live with me.
I felt she needed more discipline, so we applied a more strict system than that
to which she was familiar. When she (temporarily) returned to live with her
mother, a friend of her mother's told me my daughter was now far better
behaved. However, despite her better behaviour, my daughter did not return
to live with me. I learned from this that strict discipline is not necessarily
the best way to raise children. In this case it meant that I had virtually no
more influence on my child. I have since adopted the method of being an
example. I try harder to befriend my children, to bond with them. Then I hope
that they will follow my example. I try to be what I want them to be.
So my example is now the main way I try to
change my children's behaviour -- not by a strict home environment.
Entered by Phil Ward -- Oct 22, 1998
First to speak
My wife and I have a system that the first parent to speak to the children
is the one who decides what is to be done. The second parent is to support
that decision. If the second parent disagrees, he or she talks to the first
one in private. If that changes the first parent's mind, the first parent
then announces the new decision. The system has the advantage of giving a
unity to decision-making and avoids parents undermining each other's
authority.
Entered by Phil Ward -- Oct 22, 1998
Give your thoughts on Raising Children
You probably have some valuable ideas on Raising Children.
Share them here at the Adventist family website. Type or paste your thoughts
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Entered by Phil Ward -- Sept 18, 1998